Home – less — maybe hopeless….

As I do my favorite morning thing  which is basically sitting here waiting on my friends and brain storm about writing.  I really enjoy doing my writing.  It’s a release
for me plus I’d like to get into the world what it is like to be a x con.  Most  of the X cons I know including myself just want to do the right thing looking for the right job. It’s very hard I want to go to work asap, but JAH may have other things to do for me . I just feel like a loser because even in prison I made it on my own. I’m glad that I have met some of the friends that I have met they’re great people. What I don’t really like is me! I want to take care of myself completely and that’s all I been writing about is jobs. I. Think because of my methadone I been lazy with things I should not. I see all these ppl that are making it. In life and here I sit, scared, scared to be like my dad.. I’ve not been doing what he did but I have my own issues.
I really like I said just make it in this messed up world… Will JAH allow me to make it or will I end up homeless … and hopeless….


Blessed or Cursed

I do a lot of complaining here of late but in reality I am very blessed. I have a family who loves me , JAH has given me wisdom, I know off the gate who is not a person I need to screw around.

Jah and I have a great relationship and for that I  am so blessed he liked to worry me and answer my prayers on the eleventh hour but they are answered maybe not how I thought but  looking at the situation it’s always answered my prayers balanced and lovely


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the changes JAH has in store for us … praise be

the beginning of stars

I need to work, I need to find a job..! 

Dear JAH guide my wisdom to a job I can handle with joy .. 

I can not be miserable at this work, what a change from the ages, but life has changed from the strong being strong but now both strong and Intelligence is now equally powerful. JAH I think it will make a world of difference if I could have the energy and drive I need to win yes win over a ob,Please father. Teach me to use the wisdom you have give me 


ImageI do not understand depression I think I cause it my-self, but then again there is all this medicine out  to help you with it. Then again change in lifestyle is probably the best remedy.. WHAT DO YOU THINK?  My mind is in this picture right now. Incarcerated. Not free. but why, but how ? I need it to go away, its holding me back from EVERYTHING in life. I had all these dreams and goals when I was in the pen, but now that I am out I find it frustrating and way harder than it was before I was locked up to accomplish anything.. I know I could have a girlfriend, there is two girls now that I know I could be with and I mean that in the good way. What I must always keep in mind is that I made it, I’m free and I’m a good person. This isn’t just about me,it’s about I’d say at least 80% of us x cons. I just can not go back to my old ways, even though it gave me money it took my freedom. It’s a test that JAH JAH is putting us through. I know I’ll be fine but it’s the getting out of the bed part that is killing me, you know the first step. I can do things, I have in the past so I know I can now it’s my own laziness that is my biggest adversary… and knowing what the problem is is the first step…..!

What now OO back there again? oo damn ?

You think being free is easy, I have watched show after show of x cons being locked up and let out and the most scared  look I seen  through out the whole gosh darn show is when they were being let out and it shouldn’t be that way.

You know why they were scared , no one prepared them for the Gosh DARN OUTSIDE THEY WERE THROWN OUT THERE AND EXPECTED TO MAKE IT.. and here is the kicker by doing the thing the only thing they know how.. Hustle aka break the fucking law.. How will they eat after the last at least 4 5 years they had been fed at a certain time. Now they must feed them selves. And the better find work fast cause the 45 bucks they get for being an inmate longer than 2 years is gonna be gone soon.. Than what.. Rob someone sell drugs.. They are getting hungry, is this really better than being locked up.. To the Con, sadly no it is not.. They have no clue how to survive out here being a honset person. and lets face it who really is honest and its all in who you know.. and if you know no one than what …



the pic was where i stayed for 18 months out of my 5


I never know what to write. I want to keep my readers interested and be honest at the same time. And of course bring to the world what it is like to be an x con and in my opinion we are legally discriminated against especially in the job world. I love writing but at one point I loved being a criminal, I do not love that any more, but I still am me. Can you understand that. Being a criminal is a way of life, it’s a job. It fits ones personality but is it possible to want to do good but still be me, or shall I say DO RIGHT BUT BE ME . I am not evil I just do not agree with police and the war on drugs so that makes me a criminal. I do not want to swoitch sides but I want to do right. I no longer care aboput drugs such as cocaine and the others but ppl that want to do them should be alowed to fuck their life up.. Weed my friend shall be legal thing is when it isnt you have to go to the evil ppl to get it. Now the fake weed which I smoke so A) I stay away from bad ppl and B) I pass my piss tests.

but I think fake weed is worse than the real deal so what to do….



As you know prison and I have a long history. Watching a show on Angola than reading an article about the place,makes me wonder about propaganda. Angola has a lot of good programs that I wish were available for me. BUT!  Many of the programs are infested with snitches. I mean they have a rodeo that not everyone can attend.
The article I had read focused on an escape attempt. Two inmates were killed and so were two officers. Thing is there were inmates beaten just about to death for in my opinion not telling.
According to the article even the warden was firing at the escapes which where I was, was expected. So..
When watching the show I had thought to my self I’d rather had been there, I’m sure Angola does not just house MAXIMUM CUSTODY inmates and I hope with-out sounding like a bitch that ANGOLA OFFICER’S where just maxed out


and the warden took care of them,I say this because the programs there look like they help ppl go through the right path when they are released


life just an interesting journey through times space in our Universe, yes I said our Universe like there is more.. Not sure why time-space has the red line under it like it’s spelled wrong. Time and space are the same because the universe is sooo large that when your actually looking back in time !! The light on most stars we see is over 100 light years away. Every-one knows what a light year is right.. lets assume so ! I just find that amazing an just ,well interesting ya dig..! 

Space-time is JAH‘s tool box or maybe supply chest is a better statement.. I am 34 years old and I wish that I never F’d up my adult years like I did because an author and scientist is what I should have been, though drugs stole the scientist  I think author could still be in the making.

Has JAH made other universes which in its self makes no sense since the word means one of well not sure but I know the un means one lol.. I’d rather not tell you something wrong than try and sound smarter and come off you not believing anything I say .. yah DIG

I am a strong believer in the teachings of King Jesus but that does not by any-sorts mean one can not beleive in evolution or things science has proven mind-boggling, just cause someone interpreted the word of JAH a certain way said thats “the way” and people wanna try and debunk science and be George hw Bush and say you are with us or against us




No matter where we go it always follows us..

it never strays to far..

Like a GOSH DARN monkey climbing 

all up and down the 

back of a junky

I never know where to turn next 

it keeps 

taring me


I seen me 

at the bus


the other day 

I was cancer 


and my life

was not

in the grasp

of reality

I was with-out home

and I better 

get going or

I’ll never 

ever be 

that man I need

to be