Things ain’t cool when you’re walking the same street as a 2 year old and run across this little tid pit..Times have changed did we get very far … When will the children come to know love

It’s really up to us the children of the past..

Seems like it was yesterday, when worries came in the form of a phone call from a teacher or if such and such likes me … Not survival… and that is what it has become a fight just to survive and I tell ya if not for my grandma I dont know what I would do.. And even she is out for her self at times.. Love needs to be put in the air

I just think that we are doomed ya dig

find love and hold on tight

yours truly




I wonder why

It’s seems not fair. But it’s thought and it’s my own.

Where did it come from and

I wonder why it even appeared

with such unmistakable, pure, soul-destroying ( my own )


not a prejudice hate, and thank JAH

cause I could not live with that..

But it was hate for someone..

Just one person.

Who I loved as well.. !

Not in a relationship way by far.

Than I started see

things very clear

Their souls spoke to me

Not all

but some

And the one’s that

had hate I could feel it’s misery

But thank JAH I only have that


feeling for one person

one other person I do not hate but in my eyes I can not hate him


1 you have to had been  loved, loved someone  or still love someone in order order to hate that person

2 he in my eyes is lower than a human so.. I feel more sorry than hate him.. Cause what he has to

live with is just sick, utterly sick.

Every glance in the mirror he knows its him ..

and nothing could be worse than that

so in order to hate a person like that may wipeoutyour soul—-p

This is not a new me it’s just an extension of the old irritable version of my-self.. This ” new me ” is with-out love or hate. No feelings what-so-ever, is that what I want.. Na!! so the magic of feelings intercede and hate invades.. But we as a HUMAN CREATURE would have it no other way.. is this the feeling you get for destroying ones feelings.. NOOO I don’t like the pain.. Lover lover why so mean .. lol that was cool 


So I have me a new job, which is great but it’s a very tough job in the field of sales. Not really my thing but I am selling appointment slots. So it’s not like I am selling used cars or insurance just appointments for our REP to sell you beds.. Not just any bed, and easy rest adjustable sleep unit. This job is a cut throat mean buisness. But really

our beds help many people with their ailments.

Now on to another subject. One I hit on often. CARA. Now when I last wrote I was going tpo send her a letter, but I did not and I am glad I didn’t. She has gone of the deep end !! Well I guess you could say she had been taking her meds and is opening up more. That medicine she has been taking made her so different she is not even the same girl I met. I guess that is another sad but true. I guess it helps her feel more comfy but to  me she acts like a loud mouth idiot. Maybe that is really her and the MEDS just allow it to come out.. Anyway glad it wasn’t out when I was with her cause this “new” Cara sucks and I am glad that I am away from her and that idiot kid,who when I was speaking with her I could hear the kid in the back cryiong and whinning over something .. THANK JAH NO MORE OF THAT CHILD, I HATE TO BE THAT WAY BUT DAMN..

sad but true ( fix your kid if you do not want this to happen )

Cara and I broke up around two damn months ago you would think I would be over talking about it by now right. But I was thinking of sending her a letter to make her feel good, I mean I did end it because i couldn’t get my self to like her kid again. I feel bad about that, but what am I going to do be miserable the rest of my life so I don’t hurt someone’s feelings. I almost did it..! The kid was unbearable, it sucked because she was not always like  that just the last couple of months after she found out how to lie and throw fits when she does not get her way, you can thank her staying at her grandma’s all day thanks to Cara sleeping till one pm. Well to give the girl a break she did work from 2 am untill 6 am but I did too and didn’t sleep all that much that is nasty to me sleeping like that, makes me resent sleeping.

I am not writing this to complain about them because I did love them, I just wanted to say I think I am going to write her a nice letter pointing out all the things I loved about her. Which there was more things I loved than didn’t but one of the things was a big deal THE KID

When her and I were alone we had the best times until the end when she just slept when we were alone, and sex yuck I hated it with her I felt like she was rapping me, and what was baffling was she thought it was great. anyway I do want her to feel good she is an awesome person that I do love.

Plus I think that what I put forth will help get me happy again on the inside. Another words instead of hurting her I want to make her feel good.

Too many people when they break up want to crush their X, not me I feel worse doing that though sometimes I enjoy it, but looking back I hate when I do it so no more of that for me.

Well I think I am done writing for you and I am going to write a nice letter saying how much I do care and how great she is. Which she really was, she was personality wise a great girlfriend , but her kid is so annoying I can’t take it.. Sad but true and the kid loves me .. Once again SAD but TRUE